If you, like me, grew up in a household where dysfunction was the norm. Whether it was constant conflict, emotional neglect, or a lack of healthy communication, you understand how deeply it can shape your sense of self and influence your relationships. The new year is the perfect time to make a conscious effort to move forward.
Here’s how I’m working to heal from my family’s dysfunction, and how you can too.
Identify Your emotional triggers
For many, the idea of confronting family issues is taboo. Growing up, I was told not to talk about what was happening at home. We were told that our family’s problems should remain private, that sharing them with others would bring a sense of shame upon us. As I got older, I realised that by keeping everything insilent, we were only amplifying the conflict. We were silencing the very things that needed to be addressed.
It was a small but significant moment when I first spoke up about something that bothered me. I told my parents that I don’t want them to argue in front of me and if they want to have a conversation they can do it behind closed doors and away from their children. Just saying those words felt like a breakthrough, a moment of advocacy for myself. It wasn’t easy, but I knew it was necessary. It was the beginning of breaking the cycle of silence that had long held me captive.
Whether it’s telling a parent that their behavior is hurtful or simply saying “no” when they ask too much of you, every act of self-advocacy, no matter how small, is a step toward reclaiming your voice. It’s a challenge, but it’s one that can lead to profound change. And it’s something I encourage you to do this year – find one thing, no matter how insignificant it might seem, and speak up about it. You may be surprised by how empowering it feels.
Put boundaries up
Setting boundaries with parents can be one of the most difficult yet necessary steps in healing from a dysfunctional family dynamic. It’s not about being disrespectful or pushing them away; it’s about protecting your own emotional and physical well-being. Parents, no matter how well-intentioned, can sometimes cross boundaries – whether it’s demanding too much emotional labour from you or disregarding your need for space.
One of the most important boundaries I set recently was with my mother. I told her that I could no longer tolerate her speaking negatively about my father, especially when he wasn’t around to defend himself. At first, it felt uncomfortable to assert that boundary but putting one in place gave me the clarity and space I needed to stop internalising her anger and protect my own peace.
Setting boundaries is not about rejecting or abandoning your parents; it’s about prioritising your safety. It’s okay to say no to things that harm you, and it’s important to be consistent in enforcing those boundaries, even if it feels difficult at first.
Focus on what’s in your control
As much as I wanted to fix my parents – to heal their marriage, make them understand my pain, and change the dynamic at home – I eventually learned that I couldn’t. I couldn’t take responsibility for their issues, and trying to do so only drained me further. In the past, I would have stressed endlessly about my parents’ problems, thinking that if I could just get them to understand or behave differently, everything would improve. But that wasn’t my job.
What I could do, and what I’ve done consistently in the past year, was focus on my own well-being. I started therapy twice a month, I learned to communicate my boundaries with clarity, and I took space when I needed it (especially from the chaos that came with family gatherings) This year, I’m continuing to focus on strengthening my own resilience. I can’t change my parents, but I can change how I respond to them. The more I focus on what’s in my control, the less power the dysfunction has over me.
Move forward with purpose
The journey of healing from family dysfunction is neither quick nor easy, but it’s worth it. As I step into this new year, I’m determined to break free from the patterns that held me back for so long. I’m committed to advocating for myself, setting boundaries, and focusing on what I can control and not just for my own peace, but so I can show up in healthier ways in all of my relationships.
This new year is not just about making resolutions to change; it’s about making a commitment to move forward with purpose. If you’ve grown up in a home where dysfunction ruled, take this as a sign to prioritise your own healing. The pain of the past doesn’t have to define your future. You have the power to rewrite your story. Here’s to a year of self-empowerment, healing, and peace. Here’s to a new you.
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