The transition from adolescence to adulthood is a journey filled with change, growth, and numerous challenges. In the rush to define ourselves, navigate careers, and handle the pressures of modern life, one of the easiest things to overlook is our mental health. It’s an oversight many young adults make—not because we don’t care about our well-being, but because we often don’t realise when we need help.
In this stage of newfound independence, we face pressures both visible and hidden. One of the most significant but often ignored challenges is the reluctance to seek support, particularly when it comes to mental health. It’s not that we resist help; rather, we don’t always recognise that we need it. This is especially true when dealing with the aftermath of family breakdowns, a topic that rarely gets discussed but can deeply influence how we prioritise our well-being. My own journey reflected this tension—I made the decision to seek professional help, yet the shame and guilt surrounding my family situation prevented me from addressing it fully for a long time, even in therapy.
My Story: Counselling and the Unspoken
In my experience, I was fortunate to have a strong rapport with my therapist, whom I saw twice a month. Our sessions covered a range of topics—work stress, academic pressures, and even silly fall outs with friends. However, one subject I never raised was my parents’ separation. It was entirely my decision not to bring it up. In my mind, their divorce was a past event, and I rationalised that there was nothing left to discuss. What I failed to see at the time was how much their separation was affecting my present anxieties, insecurities, and overall approach to life.
I wasn’t new to the idea of seeking help; like many others, I understood the importance of mental health. But I didn’t realise how much I had yet to unpack emotionally. My parents’ separation, though seemingly relegated to the past, had shaped much of my formative years. Yet, when I entered therapy, I never thought it had any bearing on my current challenges. It seemed like a closed chapter—something I had already survived. Over time, though, it became clear that this unresolved part of my life was creating gaps in my emotional well-being.
Why Didn’t I Realise Sooner?
The question I now asked myself is: “Why didn’t I address this earlier?” I believe many young adults go through a similar process when they start therapy. We tend to focus on the more immediate issues—university stress, relationship problems, or the general challenges of adulthood. But deeper, long-standing issues like family trauma or childhood experiences often remain hidden.
Part of the problem is a lack of awareness. We convince ourselves that we’ve moved on from the past, often because we had no choice but to do so. As young adults, we are eager to demonstrate our independence, to prove that we can handle life’s challenges without dwelling on old wounds. Revisiting painful memories feels counterproductive, especially when we believe they no longer affect us.
But these emotional wounds don’t simply vanish. They remain beneath the surface, subtly influencing our thoughts, behaviours, and relationships. For me, it wasn’t until I attended workshops with Your Direction, 7 years after my parents’ divorce—that I finally began to process how deeply their separation had affected me.
The Impact of Addressing Unspoken Pain
During those workshops, once the subject of my parents’ separation surfaced, it felt as though I had opened a door to a long-forgotten room. The emotions I had pushed aside—guilt, sadness, and even relief—came flooding back, revealing how much I had suppressed. Talking about it felt uncomfortable, yet it also felt necessary.
As I explored this area of my life, I began to see the far-reaching impact of my unresolved feelings. My fear of conflict, my tendency to avoid difficult conversations, and my hesitancy in trusting others all had roots in witnessing my parents’ unresolved conflicts. Through Your Direction, I was finally able to confront these feelings, giving them context and allowing myself to understand them, rather than being subconsciously governed by them.
The Importance of Seeking Help- Even When You Don’t Think You Need it
One of the most valuable lessons I learned during this process was the importance of talking to others and seeking support, even when you don’t fully understand why you need it. I realised that simply by confiding in loved ones, many of the situations that seemed overwhelming became more manageable. As young adults, we often convince ourselves that the struggles we face are just part of growing up. But sometimes, what we see as ordinary stress is actually a sign of deeper, unresolved issues that we’ve pushed aside.
Therapy taught me that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. The issues we’ve buried are often the ones we most need to address. We may not always be aware of the depth of our pain or the extent to which our past influences our present, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek help. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective—someone trained to listen and guide us—to help us see the full picture.
Breaking the Silence
The journey to self-awareness and emotional healing is rarely straightforward, and it often involves confronting things we didn’t even know were affecting us. My experience in therapy, and the delayed recognition of how my parents’ separation had shaped my life, underscores the importance of seeking help, even when we can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong.
If you’re a young adult feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or stuck. You might not immediately know what’s troubling you, and that’s okay. Sometimes, the most significant breakthroughs come when we least expect them. And often, healing begins when we start talking about the things we thought no longer mattered.
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