Getting divorced can be a difficult time to find any sense of stability. You may have feelings like sadness, anger or resentment that can be hard to stuff away and get to work. While you may not be able to ignore your divorce at work, there are some steps you can take to get through this without it trickling into your career.
Remove the Mindset That Self-Care Is Selfish
The stress from a divorce can be overwhelming. You might feel like taking care of yourself is selfish, especially if you have kids. However, now is the time you should be taking care of yourself the most.
Divorcees have a higher risk of heart attacks due to high stress. You might be skipping meals, bottling up your emotions or participating in unhealthy coping behaviors. No matter what you’re going through, you always deserve love. Making time to take care of yourself can prevent overwhelm at work and help maintain your professional image.
Open the Doors for Communication
It is hugely helpful to have a trusted friend or counsellor to talk to about your separation and divorce but it may be best if this is someone outside work. Sometimes, it’s best not to communicate with your ex, but being able to talk can help. The current process for divorce creates a disconnect that negatively affects communication between divorcees. If it’s possible for your situation, try to resolve the issues with your ex respectfully.
Focus on the issues at hand and not on the emotions. By focusing on the ‘facts’ not the ‘feelings’ you will be able to reduce conflict and have more constructive conversations about the future, the details of the separation, finances and arrangements for children. Consider using a mediator to facilitate these discussions if it is proving difficult.
While you can talk to your friends and family, many people find it better to keep work a divorce-free zone. This can help you create a helpful separation between your private and professional life allowing you to focus on the responsibilities of your job. However, it can be hugely helpful to mention your separation to your line manager. Only bring it up on a need-to-know basis, such as when you might need time off for the court date.
Create Safe Spaces Outside of Work to Prevent Burnout
Emotional outbursts are one of the major signs of burnout, which can affect work quality and business relationships. It can be frustrating to feel the waves of emotions come on while at work, but that doesn’t mean you should repress your feelings. Of course, you must let it out to heal, so create safe spaces for yourself outside of work where you can unpack.
Opening up and talking about your feelings in a small group helps you share your pain and not feel all alone in this challenging time. You can also arrange lunches with your closest friends or talk to a therapist.
Have an Action Plan to Handle Emotional Moments
As much as you may try to contain them, emotional outbursts happen, and that’s OK. But in a professional environment, crying at your computer or stalking your ex on Facebook might not be the best look. So, what can you do?
When you feel an emotional outburst coming on, excuse yourself to somewhere private like the restroom or your car. Once you’re alone, try some breathing techniques to calm yourself down. The 4-7-8 method is one that might help. It involves breathing in for four seconds, holding your breath for seven and exhaling for the count of eight. If you need to, take a drive to cool down and call a friend.
Take a Few Days off to Reground Yourself
If your divorce is fresh or you’re just not coping, take a few days off. This is not to say you should take a month off work or that a few days off will miraculously make you happy, but if you’re in a bad place, you’re not going to get much done at work anyway.
During these days off, book an appointment with a therapist or, if you have a faith, a spiritual leader. Make an actionable plan for helping yourself through this difficult time. Plan a solo retreat, join a support group or allow yourself to feel all the things you’ve been bottling up.
Implement Creative and Physical Outlets
Creative outlets like painting or going for a run can also help you healthily process your emotions. You could choose activities specially crafted for dealing with hurt. For instance, signing up for a support course, like Restored Lives helps you address the condition that’s affecting your productivity and causing you to feel burned out.
Going Easy on Yourself During This Difficult Time
If you do have an emotional outburst at work or find yourself struggling to focus, it’s OK. You’re only human. Allow yourself grace during this period. Remember to prioritise your mental and physical health above all else. While part of that is taking care of your career, everybody has a bad day now and then.
Author Bio
With a personal focus on recovery and growth, Jack Shaw writes to provide actionable steps and wisdom to those in need of some. Jack is the senior Lifestyle editor of Modded Magazine, where he explores topics of mental health, parenting, hobbies and relationships. You can find his works published in Tiny Buddha, Parents.com, Calmerry and more.