A divorce is one of the most challenging life transitions. What happens next when you go your separate ways? Here are seven tips to navigate it and manage your life after separation.
Separating after 60 brings its own set of unique challenges. You may have grown up children or have been planning a retirement with your ex. Now you need to sort out all the logistics of that whilst dealing with the emotional fallout.
Don’t Pull Away From the Complex Emotions
You may experience a lot of different emotions — pain, sadness, relief and hate. Instead of denying them, accept them and seek support and healthy ways to process. Healing starts when you embrace your current circumstance and the feelings it carries.
Although it is uncomfortable, we need to feel and acknowledge our emotions to process them. Unexpressed negative emotions are associated with inflammation. The mind and body are connected so ignoring feelings and trying to bottle them up can impact your physical health as well as your mental well being..
Lean on your families and friends if you want to vent, consider talking to a therapist or join a support group like Restored Lives who can guide you on how to express these emotions in healthy ways.
Plan Your Next Move
It’s easy to get stuck in all the negative emotions. Accepting the situation, no matter how awful and focusing on the choices you have in your control and planning your next steps will help you move on. Channel your energy into creating a plan for your future rather than hating your ex.
It can be hard to focus on creating new plans if you already had big plans for this stage of life with your ex. It might feel like you are having to start all over again. However bleak it feel there is hope and a good future.
Perhaps you put off a passion for art or business after getting married. Many have sacrificed their dreams for marital responsibilities. Divorce could be your opportunity to rekindle old dreams or choose new goals to turn into reality. So, ask yourself what you should do next.
Prioritise Self-Care
Some people skip meals or consume excessive amounts of alcohol to forget their problems. These destructive coping behaviours can ruin your career, relationships and life. Instead, try to prioritise self-care.
Piecing yourself together is the best way to handle divorce. Doing it with a broken heart is tough, but there’s no other way to escape the situation. Neglecting your health won’t reduce the pain. Sadly, divorcees have an increased risk of heart attacks due to excessive stress. Mitigate that risk by focusing on self-care to reduce stress and heal faster. Engage in movement activities. Get plenty of sleep, eat healthy meals and avoid becoming isolated. Looking after yourself will help you think clearly and make better decisions.
Consider Moving to a Community
Think about where you want to live and how that choice can support more social interaction. It’s easy to get isolated so try to choose a home where you can connect with the local community and there are lots of activities you can get involved in. Some older divorcees relocate to an independent or assisted living community after moving out of their marital home instead of buying another house, getting an apartment or joining their adult children in their homes.
Community life can be a big change compared to your previous way of living. However, it comes with benefits, like a more active social life. This setting offers opportunities for older adults to live more meaningfully through group activities without losing their independence. If you need to transition, talk to a retirement counsellor who can walk you through the process.
Assess Your Financial Situation
Now is a great time to get some independent financial advice. You may have made joint retirement plans with your ex and now need to reconsider. Can you financially support yourself? Do you need to work for longer or get a new job to meet your monthly expenses, including any care needs? This is your “rainy day,” so it may be appropriate to use savings.
Asking yourself this question allows you to examine your ability to stay self-sufficient. Divorce creates a financial shock. You may no longer need a job if you have savings or receive sufficient retirement benefits, which is one less thing to worry about.
Rebuild Your Support Network
If you and your ex-partner have common friends, the divorce will affect these relationships. What this results in is divided connections. Like how family members tend to ally with the couple’s partner they’re related to, shared friends are split — rarely equally — into two. You’ll likely retain ties with those closer to you than your ex-spouse.
Socialise to rebuild your support system if it considerably weakens due to divorce. Seek out in-person and online support groups, like Restored Lives. People who have gone through the same experience are a great source of wisdom and advice to help you overcome the hardship.
Create the Best Version of Yourself
Healing takes time, and it’s OK if you get stuck somewhere. While mending, you can do small things to rebuild your identity and find your purpose. Having a sense of purpose can improve your physical and mental health.
Do things that make you feel happy. Start a business or a hobby. Travel. Spend more time with your children and grandchildren. Challenge yourself by setting a fitness goal. These things will ultimately help you rediscover your purpose and guide you in creating your best version.
Rediscovering Purpose
Divorce is a painful experience, but it offers a possibility for transformation. There is hope; you won’t always feel as you do now. The fact that a new life — possibly a more meaningful one — awaits you on the other side is a better mindset to adopt when dealing with the situation.
Author Bio
With a personal focus on recovery and growth, Jack Shaw writes to provide actionable steps and wisdom to those in need of some. Jack is the senior Lifestyle editor of Modded Magazine, where he explores topics of mental health, parenting, hobbies and relationships. You can find his works published in Tiny Buddha, Parents.com, Calmerry and more.