Separation and divorce are difficult experiences that affect parents and children. The impact on children can be reduced if parents can quickly find a way to parent collaboratively together as separated adults. (Please note that where abuse is a factor, professional support may be required to make safe and appropriate arrangements for children.)
High-conflict separations create additional stress, but cooperative strategies can help reduce tension. A parenting plan provides structure, clarity and consistency. By prioritising communication and collaboration, parents can support their children and create a calmer, more stable environment for everyone.
What is a Parenting Plan?
A parenting plan is a written agreement that outlines how parents will raise and care for their child after separation or divorce. It typically includes details about living arrangements, visitation schedules, decision-making responsibilities, communication guidelines, and how future disagreements will be resolved. By clearly defining each parent’s roles and expectations, a parenting plan helps create stability for the child and reduces conflict between parents, ensuring that the child’s well-being remains the central focus.
How to write a Parenting Plan?
Agree on a good time to meet with your ex, ideally at a neutral location, to have a kind and honest conversation about your children’s needs and how you both envision the parenting arrangements.
You should also speak to your children in an age-appropriate way to find out what they would like the new arrangements to be. It is your responsibility as parents to make the final decisions but it is hugely helpful for children that their opinions are heard and taken into account when making decisions that affect their future. Even if you aren’t able to give your children everything they would like, discussing it with them provides a sense of autonomy during a time when they may feel they have no control over anything that is happening to them.
Take the process of developing a plan one step at a time. You don’t have to agree on everything at once. It may help to have several meetings to give yourself more time to process and make decisions. You can also ask an impartial friend or mediator to help you create a parenting plan.
Free Templates
Each parenting plan will be as unique as the family it is created for, but there are some excellent templates you can download to help you.
For example, the “Parenting Plan Template” from NACCC, developed with OurFamilyWizard, which is available as a downloadable document.
How Parenting Plans Support Children
Divorce or separation is a significant transition that can dramatically change a child’s life. Thankfully, only a small number of cases escalate into higher conflict. Creating a parenting plan should be a normal part of separation for parents. It removes ambiguity and confusion and reduces conflict because everything has been considered, discussed and decided.
Even if your relationship with your ex is tense, building a parenting plan can provide an activity that will set your new parenting relationship off to a good start. It allows you to set aside your own hurts and differences and focus on the needs of your children.
By working together to create a parenting plan, you have an opportunity to build new ways of communicating and collaborating with your ex for the benefit of your children. When emotions run high, it’s easy to forget essential details. Take time when you’re calm to write down everything you want to discuss. Use this list as a guide during conversations with your ex, turning it into a “script” that can reduce tension when emotions get high. If in-person discussions remain too difficult, consider managing some details over email.
A parent’s divorce can profoundly affect a child’s emotional welfare, stirring feelings of grief, anger, confusion or even doubts about love and trust. Maintaining connections and improving communication between you and your ex models that behaviour for your children and can, in turn, help children and parents rebuild trust and restore relationships.
A parenting plan can improve the atmosphere and make everyone feel at peace. It enables an environment where children can form individual relationships with each parent, less affected by parental conflicts.
Building Stability During Separation with a Parenting Plan
A lengthy and contentious divorce can emotionally challenge children, so parents should prioritise alternative dispute resolution methods like mediation and communication over court proceedings. Focusing on cooperative solutions, such as welfare parenting plans, helps maintain stability and reduces the negative impact on children. Being open and honest with children about the situation also plays a key role in minimising conflict.
Children may sense tension, overhear conversations or notice that something is wrong. Providing age-appropriate explanations can help clarify the situation and reassure children that they are not responsible for the changes happening around them.
In fact, divorcing parents often find it helpful to create a plan together and discuss it with their children, while maintaining open communication. Honest conversations about the changes in their family help children adjust and feel supported.
Making Your Parenting Plan Work
A parenting plan helps parents navigate separation with clarity and cooperation, and provides children with stability and reassurance during a period of change. Open communication between co-parents is essential for implementing the plan effectively. Flexibility and collaboration ensure the plan meets the evolving needs of the family. Ultimately, a thoughtful parenting plan promotes healthier relationships and a more peaceful environment for everyone involved.
Author Bio
With a personal focus on recovery and growth, Jack Shaw writes to provide actionable steps and wisdom to those in need of some. Jack is the senior Lifestyle editor of Modded Magazine, where he explores topics of mental health, parenting, hobbies and relationships. You can find his works published in Tiny Buddha, Parents.com, Calmerry and more.