When your ex remarries

On Saturday I waved goodbye to my children so they could watch their Dad remarry in a civil ceremony.

It felt very strange and almost surreal but I wanted them to feel they had my permission to enjoy the day.

It was 2009 when we separated, but despite the length of time since the pain and hurt of his rejection, Saturday stirred up some old ghosts for me.

When I let go of all he had done, it meant I wasn’t tied to the past anymore and I could look to the future with hope.  But when your ex remarries but you’re still single, it can bring a renewed sense of pain.  You yet again feel the rejection and you can feel resentful; that they’re swanning off into the sunset with a new life, happily married whilst you struggle on bringing the children up on your own.

I want to be free from past hurt, I don’t want to live in bitterness, envy and resentment.  So I have to keep letting go as I really do not want all these feelings to grow in me and eat away at me, as it will impact on how I behave with my ex.

I strive to have an amicable co-parenting relationship with the children’s Dad.  The children see this and copy it.  I don’t want to hold on to what he did, so yet again I’ve found myself having to let go of the life I hoped for as a parent and in marriage.  There are many good years ahead of fun family holidays as a three, of trips, laughter and joy.

I sent him a text wishing him well and many years of happiness.  It wasn’t easy but I felt it was an important step in my recovery.

When they came back my daughter showed me a picture or two from the day and I found it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.  The scars are there from when he left me but they no longer hurt.  I’ve put aside pity or a desire for revenge long ago.  This has helped me to make better choices for my children.

It is ongoing, it’s a continual process as things rise to the surface but as the years go by it gets easier.  This wasn’t the life I planned and I cannot change the past or my ex but I can change myself, my attitude and behaviour and that will affect my future.

Read more posts from Kathy here

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