Recognising Behavioural Patterns in Children After a Divorce

Divorce can offer a path to happiness, peace of mind and healing for couples with irreconcilable differences. However, it can weigh heavily on your kids. Regardless of age, children take parental separation with a heavy heart.

The realisation that their parents — the grown-ups they look up to and care about most — are going their separate ways can negatively impact their physical health, mental fitness, and views on romance and marriage. It’s important to be aware of any behavioural patterns in your children  and address them adequately.

Keep in mind, all young people go through changing behaviours as they grow through developmental years, so use your own understanding of your child’s personality to determine what is and isn’t a reaction to the divorce itself.

Be Attentive to Strange Eating Habits

Emotional eating can soothe or suppress unpleasant feelings. Your kids may gravitate toward sugary and fatty foods and overeat to cope with divorce, causing them to gain weight unintentionally. Furthermore, depression can curb appetite — they may hardly touch their plates when they’re feeling blue.

If your young ones have been eating more or less than normal, it can be a sign that they’re feeling down. Eating disorders have behavioural, psychological and social components, so act before their behaviour at the dinner table worsens and adversely affects their physical health.

Note Unhealthy Sleep Patterns

Children of divorce tend to get less sleep for various reasons. Infants can have disrupted rest cycles and experience nightmares frequently after spending more time with stressed divorced parents.

Toddlers and preschoolers can become unaccommodating at bedtime when angry or concerned about the absentee parent. School-age kids may become sleep-deprived when poorly adjusting to spending time in different homes.

Adolescents and teens may practise independence early and want to limit their interactions with the rest of the family. As a result, they may doze off during the day, sleep late on weekends or get no  sleep at all.

Re-establishing consistent routines and structure can greatly help children adjust to life after separation. If you have a cooperative relationship with your ex-spouse, working together to maintain these routines can reassure your children that they can still bond with both parents, even though you no longer live under the same roof. Strive to be the same caring person to your kids post-separation to help reduce their divorce-related stress.

Check for Slipping Grades

 A dip in academic performance — especially when your kids are good students — can be another tell-tale sign they’re not handling your divorce well. They may struggle to process what happened and go through the stages of grief. Most children expect their parents to stay together forever, so your separation can shatter their belief in the concept of family and cause them to worry about the uncertain future.

The divorce rate in England and Wales is less common today — from 14.2 in 1994 to 9.2 in 2021. Your little ones may feel insecure about your split, especially if most of their friends’ families remain intact.

Experiencing a roller coaster of emotions post-divorce can affect their focus on their studies. When left unchecked, your kids may fail classes or drop out. Be vigilant about your children’s performance at school. Uncharacteristically lower grades can indicate unexpressed or unaddressed thoughts and feelings.

Encourage more open communication with your child and try listening to how exactly your separation has affected them.  If they’re reluctant to share, try leading by example. Open up about your own feelings and explain why your marriage had to end, making it clear that it’s not their fault. Your honesty and willingness to share can encourage them to express their own emotions more freely.

Moreover, connect your kids with others in the same boat and provide them a safe space to share their experiences and hear those of others. Finding their community can nurture their sense of belonging and give them a reliable support system. 

Watch Out for Signs of Social Withdrawal

Children of divorce may become socially withdrawn. Losing interest in their favourite activities, skipping school, experiencing a depressed mood, and spending less or no time with close friends can be manifestations of their coping challenges.

Anger, fear of abandonment, sadness, low self-esteem and perceived isolation may be behind your little ones’ social withdrawal. Address these underlying causes. Encourage your children to rediscover their passions and reconnect with their friends. Forge strong, warm and supportive relationships with them to influence their ability to self-regulate and manage their emotions.

Help Your Children Cope With Divorce

Divorce can have lifelong effects on your kids. You must pay attention to the red flags and do your best to help them weather this emotional storm to minimise this hurtful event’s impact on their development. If your initial efforts prove fruitless, don’t hesitate to use professional help.

Author Bio

With a personal focus on recovery and growth, Jack Shaw writes to provide actionable steps and wisdom to those in need of some. Jack is the senior Lifestyle editor of Modded Magazine, where he explores topics of mental health, parenting, hobbies and relationships. You can find his works published in Tiny Buddha, Parents.com, Calmerry and more.