Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. As I’ve written before, I find this day bittersweet. This is my tenth Mother’s Day alone now. I suppose I’m a veteran now? If that’s a good thing?
When my marriage ended I definitely assumed by now I’d have met the man of my dreams and be settled again. Maybe another baby, maybe a blended family? Life certainly hasn’t worked out that way. I’ve carved my own path but it hasn’t involved more children. I’m lucky to have my two and as they grow I’m enjoying seeing who they’re becoming.
I realised my goal for recovery shouldn’t be meeting the man of my dreams but actually being content, having a happy home, a career, and watching my kids grow has brought its own joy. Being happy on my own, finding out who I am again and what I like have all been an important part of my journey to recovery. As has not comparing myself to others and not letting self pity take over when I see those other happy family pictures on Facebook. My family is happy. This is our normal and it’s okay too. I no longer compare.
This morning naturally the kids had forgotten it was Mother’s Day tomorrow. But as the well known advert says ‘I’m worth it! So we headed into town and I handed them my cash. Yes you may feel self conscious doing this but you deserve to be celebrated. You shouldn’t let the day go by unrecognised.
My plan was to hover outside the shop whilst they went in to choose something, but they’re getting bigger and they told me to sit in the coffee shop and they’d come back to me once done. I kept checking my phone and didn’t know what to do with this free time but it felt nice to know they were excited about picking me something nice. Yes they bought it with my money but the fact they’ll have chosen this gift for me will mean a lot. And it’s great to teach them to say thanks for all your hard work throughout the year. Even if you have to orchestrate the gift buying.
Luckily my ex always ensures I can have them Mother’s Day when we plan out dates. We often go somewhere nice for the day. We have had a tradition for a number of years of taking a picnic to a Botanical garden. This year my daughter has more clubs than ever and we’ll be postponing it for the bank holiday instead but I’ll make sure I cook a nice dinner I love and get in a bath with a good book once they’re in bed.
If you don’t have them Mother’s Day, make sure you plan a special day on the day you do have them.
Others I know spend the day with their mothers or with another single mum and celebrate together. My Mother’s Day certainly won’t look like some other families. But my little traditions and plans still make it a special day. I no longer feel like a fraud but embrace it. It doesn’t have to not be a proper Mother’s Day without the Dad to cook or bring you breakfast in bed, or to take them to buy you a gift. Get a friend to take them. Go for it! They’d be happy to help you.
The build up and hype around Mother’s Day can be hard. I’ve turned it around into something positive. We really do deserve it, we are worth it ladies. Don’t let the day pass by without celebrating all your hard work, you are amazing, take the initiative and organise something, anything. Treat yourself. You’re all heroes.
More surviving Mother’s Day tips can be found here