If you have already read my post “Am I Mad to Go?” you will know that I had an opportunity to meet my Ex and his new partner at a weekend organised by some of our mutual friends. I really wasn’t sure what to do but felt that it would be better to face my demons and go.
I am so glad I did. I had an amazing weekend and really surprised myself. I had imagined that I would be having to keep a poker face of calmness whilst underneath going through a turmoil of emotions but actually it wasn’t like that at all. I felt a huge sense of peace and calmness as I realised that the process of forgiveness is complete. Instead of feeling the pain, hurt and betrayal when seeing them together I saw an old friend with his new girlfriend. I was able to enjoy the conversation and company of my friends and I genuinely enjoyed myself.
This is something I just couldn’t have imagined doing even 6 months ago and it represents a big milestone in my recovery process.
I greeted my ex’s fiancé in a friendly way and was able to have a bit of a chat with my ex and catch up on the news from his family. Part of what I wanted to achieve was to communicate to him that I have forgiven him and that I sincerely wish him well for the future.
I thought carefully about what I wanted to say before-hand and that helped me to feel really confident going into the situation. I chose not to say “I forgive you” directly as it could have been perceived as a bit of a pointed statement. I haven’t spoken to him for over a year and perhaps he no longer feels that he did anything wrong. I didn’t want to create an awkward response from him or open up any conversations about what happened. – The time for those conversations has passed. It really is just water under the bridge. Instead I decided that I would just demonstrate my forgiveness by being friendly and open. When we parted I simply said that it was great to see him looking so settled and happy.
I was also careful to set my expectations low in terms of his behaviour and that of his Fiancé. I can’t control how they behave I imagine it would be easy to react badly to even one snub or dig so it was important to get my head around that as a potential outcome before-hand to ensure I wouldn’t react if that did happen. Thankfully they were also courteous and polite.
I feel really proud of myself for going, it really has given me a great sense of closure.