Next Your Direction Workshop, for teenagers and young adults whose parents have separated.

2nd November 2022

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Meeting The Ex

If you have already read my post “Am I Mad to Go?” you will know that I had an opportunity to meet my Ex and his new partner at a weekend organised by some of our mutual friends.  I really wasn’t sure what to do but felt that it would be better to face my demons and go.

I am so glad I did.  I had an amazing weekend and really surprised myself.  I had imagined that I would be having to keep a poker face of calmness whilst underneath going through a turmoil of emotions but actually it wasn’t like that at all.  I felt a huge sense of peace and calmness as I realised that the process of forgiveness is complete.  Instead of feeling the pain, hurt and betrayal when seeing them together I saw an old friend with his new girlfriend.  I was able to enjoy the conversation and company of my friends and I genuinely enjoyed myself.

This is something I just couldn’t have imagined doing even 6 months ago and it represents a big milestone in my recovery process.

I greeted my ex’s fiancé in a friendly way and was able to have a bit of a chat with my ex and catch up on the news from his family.  Part of what I wanted to achieve was to communicate to him that I have forgiven him and that I sincerely wish him well for the future.

I thought carefully about what I wanted to say before-hand and that helped me to feel really confident going into the situation.  I chose not to say “I forgive you” directly as it could have been perceived as a bit of a pointed statement.  I haven’t spoken to him for over a year and perhaps he no longer feels that he did anything wrong.  I didn’t want to create an awkward response from him or open up any conversations about what happened. – The time for those conversations has passed.  It really is just water under the bridge.  Instead I decided that I would just demonstrate my forgiveness by being friendly and open.  When we parted I simply said that it was great to see him looking so settled and happy.

I was also careful to set my expectations low in terms of his behaviour and that of his Fiancé.  I can’t control how they behave I imagine it would be easy to react badly to even one snub or dig so it was important to get my head around that as a potential outcome before-hand to ensure I wouldn’t react if that did happen. Thankfully they were also courteous and polite.

I feel really proud of myself for going, it really has given me a great sense of closure.