I don’t want to be defined by this!

I used to work with a lady who would mention her divorce within a few moments of meeting someone. It was as if she couldn’t help herself, the words would just tumble out of her mouth. She had so much else to talk about, she did an interesting job, was involved with amateur dramatics and was a talented figure skater – why didn’t she mention those things first?

When my marriage failed I thought about her and thought how I didn’t want to be defined by this experience. I didn’t want to be labelled as a divorcee or for it to be the first thing people thought of when they thought about me. But when you are in recovery and your mind is filled with little other than what you are going through it’s harder than it seems not to talk about it to everyone and anyone. One of the advantages of going to the RDS course was a place where it was absolutely appropriate to talk about it.

I am still unsure when and if to mention it when meeting people. Starting to date again makes this question even more of a hot topic. Where is the line between not hiding something and mentioning it too early? Perhaps I will know that I am really recovered when this feels natural. ……by the way did I mention I am divorced?