Reading this may make you want to throw whatever device you are using to read it against the wall. I get it, but I promise it is true, however awful you feel today there are good things to come.
What could be waiting for you?
Just imagine if you had been with me on the day my other half told me our marriage was over. Imagine you could have shown me a room full of all the people that I’d meet as a direct result of my divorce and piles and piles of photographs of all the amazing things I would do and experience. I would have thought I had won the lottery!
Undoubtedly I would have still grieved the loss of my marriage and missed the one who had been my best friend, but there would have been so much more hope, excitement and strength. I would have been confident that the deep sadness I felt would pass. Instead of feeling worn down I would have been excited for the next chapter to unfold.
Good can come out of bad
Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not advocating divorce, far from it. It isn’t wise or noble to seek out suffering but when it comes along, as it inevitably does, there are benefits if you look for them.
When I reflect on the people that would have been stood in that room I feel a little in awe. So much strength of character, grace and wisdom. Today I am lucky enough to count some of those people as my closest friends and cheerleaders. Others came for a season and moved on but all have enriched my life. They brought me joy that I didn’t know was possible. By seeking out the silver lining that I thought didn’t exist I can see all the ways in which I have benefitted. The same can be true for you too. It probably isn’t what you want to hear right now but if you can sit with the idea and let yourself imagine the new opportunities that are available to you now it may give you a little more strength to deal with your feelings. Perhaps there were things your old live made difficult or impossible for you? Give yourself permission to dream and be excited, even if life looks pretty bleak right now.
Things I have gained because of my divorce
I have learnt about myself, found strength I didn’t know I had. I have learned what makes me happy and what helps when life throws me a curveball. Coming out of the other side of deep sadness and grief has taught me that these difficult feelings don’t last forever. Ironically it has made me a more optimistic person. I am more compassionate and less judgemental. Best of all I am getting better and better at milking every drop of happiness out of life. Even drinking a good old cup of tea.
New opportunities opened up to me as a result of my divorce. I moved to a new city, I helped to edit a book, I drank extravagant cocktails in glamourous bars and I have camped on beaches and woken up to the sound of the sea. I made new friends. It has even brought me work and helped me to help others recover from heartbreak. These are just a few of the things that I may never have done in my old life.
Imagining the positive opportunities that could come your way can give you strength
So if you are reading this whilst you feel like you are at the bottom of a pit, see if you can let your mind wander and imagine what new opportunities could be waiting for you. Ask yourself who you might meet, where you might go and what you might gain. The sadness will pass and you may well find that what you are left with at the end will be far greater than that you have lost. I wonder who might be waiting in that future room to meet you?